Hemophilia
by Hollywithaneye
Summary: Buffy questions her decisions...B/S, of course. Hopefully a little more humorous than angsty.


_Author's Note:_ This story is taking the place of a different story, "The Devil You Know" that I started and deleted off of Fanfiction.net. I don't usually do that but the first chapter I wrote just sort of stagnated and wsn't going anywhere, so when this new idea popped up I decided to go for it. Thanks to all who reviewed the first story with this title…hopefully you'll forgive me for aborting that attempt. 

Oh, and, the disclaimer…NOT MINE! ALL JOSS! Sue if you want, but all I have to offer is one slightly cranky chameleon named after a debauched and mentally-unstable Roman emperor.*shrug* Anyways, on with the story.

_P.S_ The title of my story is not intended to offend anyone affected with hemophilia, a very serious disease. I have just always liked the true translation of the word. So, my apologies if anyone takes this the wrong way, it's all in good spirit_._

            _P.P.S_. Takes places immediately after "Wrecked"__

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**_hemo:_**_ blood, or pertaining to blood._

**_-philia:1)_**_ a combining form meaning a 'tendency toward an action'_

            2) a combining form meaning 'abnormal appetite for a thing' 

I was walking through the doorway into Spike's crypt, making my way cautiously down the darkened stairs. Odd…usually there was the faint light of a candle, or at least the flat blue glow of Spike's television as he watched some God-awful soap opera but tonight it was just black. An inky, velvety blackness that caused me to walk with my hands in front of me, groping the walls like some kind of legally-blind pervert. "Spike?" I cried suddenly as fear gripped my heart in a spasm, the cold hard sounds of his name bouncing back to slap me in the face, to mock me.

"Spike!" I cried louder, after a thorough inspection of the dark crypt yielded no vampire. Oh sure, he could have been anywhere…Willy's, patrolling, maybe even the Bronze, but for some reason I just _knew_ he wasn't. Something bad had happened to William the Bloody and I didn't even stop to question the rising tide of panic in my chest. 

My heart was pounding in my throat as I felt myself drawn towards the large tomb in the center of the crypt. Bracing my feet on the cold stone floor I gripped the edge of the stone slab covering the tomb and _shoved_. Slower than the march of centuries the slab groaned its way across the tomb to eventually slide off the far side, shivering into large pieces with a thunderous crash. A crash I didn't even seem to hear over the sounds of my own screams as the sight within the tomb assaulted my eyes. And the screams continued, rolling over and over as quickly as I could draw breath because it was easier to react, easier to panic than it was to recognize the fact that the pile of dry dust nestled within the folds of a long black duster was all that remained of Spike.

I woke sitting straight up in bed, Dawn pounding in my bedroom door in a frenzy. "Buffy! Buffy!" I could hear her yelling on the other side of the door just before she swung it open. A rectangle of yellow flooded across my room causing me to squint at Dawn as she headed towards my bed. "Buffy, are you ok?" she asked, a little quieter this time but I could still hear the worry in her voice.

I scraped up the nerve somewhere to give her a shaky smile. "Yeah, yeah, I'm ok. Sorry, I just had a dream…" I hesitated momentarily, "A nightmare. I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's ok," Dawn smiled back and sat on the edge of my bed. "Anything you want to talk about?" she asked, and I felt myself staring at her like she had just grown a second head. When had she gotten so old and mature? I was supposed to be the Mom here, not her. As the guilt sunk in, I forced a brighter smile onto my face. "Naw, Dawnie, no big deal. Sorry to wake you up, but hey," I glanced at the clock beside my bed. "It's only 3:45. Go back to bed, I'm just gonna go outside and get some fresh air real quick, then go back to sleep myself."

Stifling a yawn, Dawn nodded agreement and mumbled a quick "G'night." before beating a hasty retreat to her own room. I sat in bed a minute longer, still trying to analyze my dream. I mean, its one thing to be upset because Spike was dead but criminy, I had just about gone off the deep end. Shaking my head, I got up and put a fuzzy fleecy robe on over my pajamas before heading outside to sit in my usual spot on the steps.

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            Ten minutes later, I was sitting outside on our darkened steps, a warm steamy mug of hot cocoa clutched between my fingers as the cool concrete I sat on chilled my skin. For late spring in Southern California it was still nippy at night lately. Maybe it was the newest plan for an Apocalypse. Freeze us all out of this world. Grinning, I took another sip of hot chocolate and stared up at the miles of stars hanging just overhead. 

My grin quickly became a frown though as I thought back to the events of my bizarre dream. It was odd, how panicked I had been in that dream. I mean, realistically speaking, the death of Spike would make my life a lot easier, right? It must have just been some kind of latent guilt playing itself out. Not that I had anything to be guilty about, I thought with no small amount of bitterness. I mean, hell, I'd only caved into my libido for one night and completely toyed with the feelings of a friend. I almost spilled hot cocoa on my hands as I jumped, realizing with a start that I really had meant that comment. The friend thing, that is. Spike had crossed a line that few other monsters had or ever would. I didn't really think of him as a monster that much anymore. Not to say that I thought of him as a man…he was just…Spike. Good ol' Spike. Predictable in his own twisted way and, in a world as crazy and changeable as mine, that made him as valuable to me as any of my other friends. 

But sleeping with him and taking complete advantage of his…well, let's say affection; that didn't make me _too_ bad of a person, right? Right? Sighing I realized that I was only lying to myself. I was just lucky that Spike didn't hate me now. Although to tell the truth I wasn't even sure of that anymore since he and I had effectively avoided each other since that disastrous 'morning-after'. Maybe he really did hate me. It wasn't like Spike to go for three weeks without at least popping in on a patrol to give me a hard time about something and I had just avoided that first awkward meeting because it was easier. Chickenshit me.

Guiltily, I thought of the way Dawn had moped around the house the last three weeks, shooting accusatory glares in my direction every so often. She really did like that dumb vampire, and was obviously blaming his recent absence on me. I tossed back the rest of my rapidly cooling hot chocolate and came to the conclusion that for the sake of everyone's sanity I needed to try and sort this mess with Spike out. I needed to at least apologize to him for the way I had treated him, but at the same time let him know that there could never be anything between us. Still, I couldn't explain away that vague feeling of unhappiness I felt at the decision I had come to. Shrugging I started to raise myself off the steps for some much-needed rest when a faint hint of tobacco smoke tickled my nose. Groaning inwardly, I sat back down and began bracing myself for the newest round of Buffy vs. Spike. I was sooooo not ready for this yet…  


End file.
